he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
