I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
