I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
