he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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