that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
