...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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