just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she looked like the before picture.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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