This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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