that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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