Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
