The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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