i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
