I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
