he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
