I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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