You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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