I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
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I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
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I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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