Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
