even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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