God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
