gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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