she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
