when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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