I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
