I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
