foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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