I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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