its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
