tell your sister to shave her snatch
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
