I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
