Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
