She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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