my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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