Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
