Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
