i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
