I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
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Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
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dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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