I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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