Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
