No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
