Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
