I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
