So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
