I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
