this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
