I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
