I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
this will be a night to untag.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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