fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think your dad took our porno
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
