He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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