Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
