No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
