is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
