you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
