the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
