so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
