Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
