Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Success! We fucked roommates!
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