When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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