I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
