I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
