I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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